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Display Name: designmind
Member Since: 4/11/09

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I believe you can abide by your ethics and avoid being trampled by your friend's etiquette violation in one fell swoop. Here is Miss Manners answering a reader who was also taken aback by a baby shower solicitation:

"Parties such as showers and birthday parties are now commonly planned solely for the gratification of the honorees (who are commonly the hosts or the hosts' relatives), without consideration being given to the enjoyment of the guests, whose contributions are blatantly solicited.

Fortunately, attendance at parties is optional. You owe your friends your congratulations and good wishes; you do not owe them any form of child support."

Anyone wishing to celebrate a joyous occasion with friends without appearing to be soliciting gifts has a simple way to do this. She invites her friends to a party at her home, a friend's place, or a restaurant, for example. The hostess pays for the food and drink, and while catching up as friends do, her guests will learn of the impending excitement. They may exclaim, "Oh, you should have told me! I would've brought a present!" The gracious hostess will respond, "Your being here is all the present I could want." If none of your friends could honestly respond the same way, you may want to make new friends.


Gift Etiquette and Moral Dilemmas
Good Questions

2/2/11 02:20 AM

I forgot to add that when my friends have potlucks, they never do so under the pretense of "entertaining." If forced to describe these gatherings, they would probably say proper entertaining is too daunting for our domestically challenged group, so we get together and everyone brings whatever they can dredge up. I'm not dismissive of potlucks, merely of those who pretend they are equivalent to planning a menu, shopping for ingredients, and cooking all the courses. I'm grateful my friends and I can admit to each other that most of the time, doing those three things is just too hard.

Lindsay is probably going to some trouble to prepare her contribution to her potluck. If so, that is even more reason to banish any idea of a hostess present. Most people who "host" a potluck are under no illusions that a traditional hostess gift is called for.


Do I Bring a Hostess Gift to a Potluck Thanksgiving Dinner?
Good Questions

11/25/10 03:19 AM

Potlucks are a way for people to get credit for entertaining without expending time and money preparing food for those they invite. Why give a hostess gift to someone who isn't really hosting? If someone invited you to dinner at a restaurant but then required you to pay for your food, would you feel they deserved a gift for the invitation? Save that effort for hosts who truly make those invited their guests.


Do I Bring a Hostess Gift to a Potluck Thanksgiving Dinner?
Good Questions

11/25/10 02:32 AM

I'm on the fence about this privacy versus interaction issue. Sometimes I'm with Robert Frost, who wrote, "Good fences make good neighbors" ironically, because I cherish my relationships, including those with my neighbors. Other times I crave seclusion and quiet. Living in the tenth largest city in the U.S., I miss the serenity of more spread out spaces.


Using Plants For Privacy | Apartment Therapy San Francisco
6/26/10 06:00 PM

I like thesmilequeen's idea of remote controlled surge protectors better than what I've been doing with my plasma tv and electronics chargers. I plug those things into a thing that itself plugs into the wall. The thingee, about $6 at Rite-Aid, has a switch I can flip to cut off power to it. But you do have to get behind the furniture the tv and chargers are on to flip the switch.


The 5 Devices that Burn Through Your Power Bill | Apartment Therapy Unplggd
5/4/10 03:51 AM

Sadina, ignore bepsf. Your place has a warm, welcoming look. You and Bob balanced line, color, pattern, and texture while keeping everything in scale. It looks like a great place to hang out!


Small Cool 2010: Sadina's Comfortable Compact Small Division #18 | Apartment Therapy DC
4/19/10 11:34 AM

A tiny woman who dates guys over 6', I cannot sleep with a boyfriend in a double bed. Once a bf and I visited the bf's sister, whose guest bed was a double. Neither the bf nor I could sleep. When we first moved in together, we slept in sleeping bags on the floor, which had cheap, thin carpet over concrete slab. That was much more comfortable than the one night sharing his sister's guest room's double bed. I wouldn't tell someone they SHOULD be able to sleep well in a bed that is too small for THEM. YMMV, of course.


5 Tips For Tiny Bedrooms | Apartment Therapy Los Angeles
4/11/10 06:20 PM

pridkett, thanks for the shopping tip re monoprice.com! I've been looking for a reasonably priced swivel mount. Now I just have to corral someone to install it for me...


How To Choose the Right TV Wall Mount | Apartment Therapy Unplggd
4/11/10 05:53 PM

Your persistence and creativity inspire me. You did quite well with a very challenging space!


Apartment Therapy The Kitchn | Kitchen Spotlight: Sudie's Pocket-Sized Renovation
4/11/09 04:24 PM

This place looks professionally done! It has a strong, sophisticated look. Great job! I'm voting for you!


Apartment Therapy Chicago | Small Cool 2009: Lane's Style on a Budget Small Division #02
4/11/09 04:32 AM