afithianruby's Profile

The bookshelves look great and really warm up the room. The only drawback (to me) is the large TV covering the window. I understand that your use of the room may center around that, but since you are rethinking your media usage in general I thought I'd mention you might think about the TV as well as facebook. Either way, it's a very pleasant room now and the addition of the shelves is really a plus.

It seems like you are stuck in your one way of thinking. Time to let go of the rods unless they are expandable. They are the wrong size for the windows and placed improperly. They should be above the frame and extend beyond it on either side enough so that the open drapery does not obscure the glass. Especially when you have just moved into a new place it's good to have an open mind and not get stuck on one idea. Start fresh.

Have you had a conversation about this with your mother? It's tough if you are moving into a space she has already been living in for a while. Doesn't matter if it is owned or rented, the fact is that for almost anyone, no matter how happy she is to be living with you, it will feel like an invasion. Middle-aged women (a group which includes me) enjoy having their own space, and are usually pretty set in their ways, no matter how open-minded they are. We've lived long enough to know what we like and what works best for us and our lifestyle. It is important for you to keep this in mind. For your mom to need a roommate and share expenses with her own daughter out of necessity, it most likely also feels like a big step back for her. Please be sensitive to that, because you know that for you this is temporary, and that you have many years ahead to rebuild, it is harder to feel that way when you are approaching 50.

But if you both view this as mutually beneficial, then you need to have some serious conversations before your move in, just as you would with any other potential roommate, conversations that go way beyond decorating. How will the finances work? Food sharing? Chores? Utilities? Laundry? Having friends over? Drinking/smoking? Overnight guests? (Especially those who will be in your bed!) Pets? What are your expectations of one another as far as communicating when you'll be home? Will she (or you) think suddenly you're going to want to eat or hang out together all the time? If not, then how much interaction will be expected? If either of you decide it is not working, who will be the one to move and what are your obligations to one another?

It is hard to break out of parent-child roles, no matter how much you want to. It is important that you can communicate well and that no one falls back into old habits. Don't take anything for granted at all. Lay it all on the table BEFORE you move in.

As far as decorating specifically, you should tell her that one of your concerns about living together is that, while you love visiting her home and seeing all the things that mean so much to her, you would also feel stressed and distracted by so many knick-knacks and keepsakes around. Then ask her how she thinks the two of you could create a home environment that is comfortable for the both of you. See what she says and let the conversation begin.

Without specifics, no one here can advise you are combining two styles that are basically diametrically opposed. But really it's about the communication, isn't it? If you can't talk about this now, before you move in, when there is no conflict, how will you work with it when you are already there and you're stressed and irritable and feel trapped? As much of a problem solver this is for the two of you on one level, it is bringing with it a whole slew of issues that need to be addressed before either of you make a final decision.

What struck me is the worn out kitchen island. I know it is the whole "shabby chic" thing, but to me it just looks filthy, like lead based paint chips might get in the food. Prefer my kitchen to look hygienic. Not sterile, but clean. As a book lover I say put the books back as they were so it looks like someone actually reads in that house. Garden dining area lovely.