E_C's Profile

Such an interesting comment thread!

I'd also add, however, that one way of being a good host is to allow people to be good guests. As someone with difficult food allergies (beyond the familiar wheat, dairy allergies), it can be a herculean task to convince a host to let me bring my own food or at least supplement my food. It's quite often that my attempts to do so end up with:

1) The host insists on making me food. This involves asking me for the detailed list of allergens and often several conversations beforehand in planning. When this goes well, although I appreciate it, I've still felt slightly uncomfortable in the incredible effort they've gone to.

2) However, it often doesn't go well. They go to great effort and yet have missed items leaving me with very little to nothing to eat for an entire evening. (This has happened so much that I bring '"back up" food and leave it in the car. Bringing it out, however is still awkward as it demonstrates my lack of trust in their abilities. But, the other option is to be hungry and watch other's eat or to leave with the host feeling like a failure).

My advice for hosts:

When a guest asks if they can bring their own food because of food allergies, consider the following:

1) Ask if there something you might be able to offer. You need not alter the whole dinner, but perhaps one salad or the dessert is do-able? If not, maybe you can offer something to drink. It feels better, (as a host myself) to be able to serve something to everyone. As a guest, it can feel good share with others if possible.

2) Offer to let the guest know what's on the menu so they can bring something appropriate. If others are eating tacos, I bring my own version of tacos because it's less intrusive, supports the mood or theme the host is going for, and helps me to feel like I'm actually sharing the meal - which is part of the point of the evening, of course.