GardenMuse's Profile

Nice design and solution. Thanks for sharing.

Good idea!

I think I'm more like you with regard to having decreasing patience with human drama. I don't aspire to be anyone's therapist as that is not the basis for a healthy relationship. Besides that everyone has issues and problems. I really do not want to feel bombarded by a host of complaints about work, relationships, kids and spouses. I've already encountered far too much of that.

I also agree with @AnnaMarie Stephens that true friendship should involve some effort from both parties--I would never underestimate the importance of letting the other person know how much they are valued and appreciated, especially if you want to grow a relationship. Ignoring people, not showing up or being flaky definitely sends the strong message that one doesn't care.

I've never considered myself introverted, although a lot of people think that I am because I am not loud. I was always friendly to people and I've also been a person who has done nice things for people, is helpful and interested, but I too felt so disappointed at the lack of interest and reciprocity. That tends to quell giving. As a result, I too, have become more introverted and more discerning and probably more reluctant to go out of my way when it comes to others, so at times I can also understand how people can become more insular with time.

I tend to agree with nccata's response. I've always tended to travel light and it's always been mostly by necessity. I also live simply. I don' t know about other people and their network of resources, if they do experience trouble or difficult times as our situations tend to all be different. I just learned that the only person that I could really rely on is myself--that there would be no one there to pick up the pieces.

When my mother started giving items away and asking if I wanted them, I already lived out-of-state and declined as it would have been too cumbersome to get the items. Some of those items would have been useful and needed, but my choices were limited at the time. I think in some ways she viewed it as rejection not seeing the practicality and that I was just being realistic.

I also always try to remain open to new experiences, but that is somewhat tempered by my life's experiences--a mix of good and bad. I've always heard that people in Ireland are quite friendly and that probably helps one to feel that it is okay to trust in the goodwill of others--not all environments that one encounters would encourage that viewpoint.

You're not alone as that is also my situation. I felt that most people are reluctant to offer friendship with someone who didn't have children or who will be having children soon and they are quite intrusive and judgmental about that decision and choice. It's not really their business period. I got used to being alone and now I prefer it, although I never self-labeled as introverted. That other people are judgmental and don't want to get to know me, because I don't have kids or that cannot deal with someone who is authentic and natural is something that used to hurt me, but now I feel that it was and is a gift. Why would I want to be around people who would never value me or appreciate me for who I am. I also turned to books--lots of psychology books to help me to cope with some of the more difficult, angry people that I've met. One dealt with people-pleasing and was called, The Disease to Please, Curing the People-Pleasing Syndrome and the other was/is called Emotional Unavailability. Those books and many others helped to solidify what I basically knew and felt inside about relationships. What is time-consuming is wasting precious time and energy on relationships where there is no balance and reciprocity and where one doesn't feel authentic and free--those are not relationships worth having. One of the best relationships that I have is with a man who basically listened to my recounting the relationships that I've had with controlling and manipulative people who I've spent the majority of my time trying to extricate myself from. He made the observation that he recognized that in order to be close to me that he had to offer me distance. When I questioned him about that word he said that what he really meant was offering me FREEDOM. He always says that he wants me to be honest and natural with him, and my experience is that people say that, but don't mean it. And of course he is right.

"Dirty sheets (bed stripped before we leave) and minimal invasion is what friendship should be about. Otherwise, it's a wasted life without friends."

I have a good friend--absolutely the best who would never dream of imposing on me or staying at my home. He stays at a hotel. He's the most respectful, decent person that I know. He would offer to fill up my tank with gas when I drove him around and would pay for my meals too. He has never made the kind of demands that other people have or feel entitled to make and he's a 'gulp' conservative too. I've had him over plenty of times and made enjoyable meals for us, but he stays at a hotel and doesn't seem to mind. He seems to truly appreciate what I do and the way I choose to give in the unique friendship that we have. He's a true friend and I agree that life would be wasted without him...

I'm a little late to this discussion, however I appreciate it as I've been in the same boat. I also agree with many of the posters here that making friends can be difficult for a host of reasons. Acquaintances are a dime a dozen, but deeper meaningful relationships take time to cultivate and some people are just not interested in extending friendship to others for a variety of reasons. I recently ended a "relationship" with a woman who consistently tried to manipulate me and she valued some people only who she described as that she "...was going to miss as they did a lot for her". I don't think that is a basis for a healthy relationship, not for me and I have to wonder if she ever considered what she reciprocated, if ever. From my own experiences she didn't give what she felt entitled to demand.

I also agree with Jessica that, "The best way to make friends is to be a good friend yourself." Unfortunately I've found that a good many people are consumed with getting their needs met and wanting other people to accommodate them rather than thinking about what they have to offer or give to a relationship and being a good friend to you. They have't a clue what being a good friend means. I've experienced that many times--people wanting me to "do" for them or "provide" for them in some capacity and that is why I tend to cringe when I hear "relationships of convenience". I've already experienced those situations and it didn't feel good.

I also agree that the only reason that people do not have the time for friends, or maybe for your friendship is that they do not value the relationship enough. Good relationships are built over time and require balance and reciprocity and without those ingredients what you really have is nothing more than superficial acquaintances. People need to be clear and honest with themselves about what kinds of relationships they are seeking and if you desire a genuine connection with others you have to work at that. Of course shallow bonds will not stand the test of time and sometimes people tend to get what they give.

This is a lovely perfect little hideaway. So pretty!

Agree with other posters that these comments are very rude and seem blown out of proportion. I really don't understand why people feel such a need to insult and attack the author. This reminds me of one of the reasons why I stopped hosting or inviting people over for gatherings. If I attempted to find something to make such as the cocktail above -- they would feel some strange need to criticize, attack, take it personally and condescend rather than take it as an opportunity to behave like gracious and decent human beings.

I guess some people are so unhappy that all they can do is spread their hate-filled attitude towards everyone. Very sad.

I really have to question the point of articles like this. I really don't see any valid reason or point to it. Who does this really benefit anyway other than provide some kind of twisted entertainment value for people not living in the most miserable cities. All cities have their issues, especially cities that experience rapid population booms, even cities that make the best city lists have severe problems, and especially in this ECONOMY. What about stories that discuss what city officials and politicians are doing to resolve these problems? I agree that this is what happens when our leaders promote policies that send our jobs overseas and invite financial institutions to rip-off American homeowners.

"Most of these places were once vibrant and filled with citizens who were gainfully employed. Now that the cities are trashed, the current administrations continue to engage in policies that punish the residents, rather than help them. There ARE creative solutions to these problems, but certain political leaders are too busy stuffing money in their pockets to give them a fair shake."

Agree with @Jukesgrrl 100%.