KristieC's Profile

I read both articles, and I think you're right to bring up the issue. I've been with my husband for 21 years now, married for most of them, and while he's smart and reasonably enlightened, sometimes he comes out with this last-century patriarchal b.s. outta nowhere, and we have to talk about these things, because so much of this stuff is unexamined, for men and women.

Once upon a time, I was the sole breadwinner when my husband was unemployed. He wasn't eagerly seeking employment, and he wasn't working around the house, so we had to have a little chat about how that wasn't going to work. He got with the program, and as it turned out, he was an excellent homemaker, so good that I was disappointed when he went back to FT work.

Now the shoe is on the other foot. I've had to leave my job for health reasons, and am the FT homemaker, doing 99% of the chores, making his lunch and all the dinners, plus the home improvement stuff. We had a lot of talks about how to make sure this new setup worked for both of us and that no one felt resentful, especially when one of us was going into the office, and one of us was free to clean house in her pajamas and take naps as needed. It's still a work in progress, and there have been money comments on his part passed off as "jokes" when I call him on it. But on the whole, our money has always been "our" money, whether I was making it or he was making it, and I never made comments like that when I was the one bringing home the bacon, so I think it's almost a weird gender role thing rearing its ugly head.

In any case, although I'm doing pretty much all the housework, because this is now my "job," I find I don't resent it at all. Why? Because I was doing all this stuff--the lion's share of the chores (because I do have higher standards of cleanliness, and we have a rule that if it bugs you, you fix it), and all the home improvement stuff--when we were both working 40 hours a week (at the same company, no less). I don't resent that reality like I once did, because this is my job now, rather than something I alone had to fit in around my job. And I like doing it; it's real work, with a real and tangible benefit in improving my life, in a way that moving megabytes around electronically never was. As long as it is understood that my contribution, while different, is equal and equally important as the money, I'll be fine for the duration. So we'll work on that as we learn this new way of being.

I'm trying really hard to figure out what we talk about at big family dinners, but all I can come up with is the food. We talk a lot about the various dishes, complimenting the cooks. Weather. Sports. Mostly small talk, really.

If this is a real concern for you, watch out, lest the universe decide you need a lesson in Real Problems 101.

That is to say, I couldn't care less. Can't we go back to arguing about shoes in the house? ;o)

My mom was a big believer in shoes-off, moreso when she lived in northern climes, but now that I own my own home, I don't care; people can do as they wish. My husband hates to be barefoot. Personally, it actually cripples me to be shoeless, so for someone to insist would be a hardship, but if I knew my shoes were muddy, I'd take them off of my own volition and deal. My feeling is that floors are meant to be walked on, not kept as pristine museum displays. People need to lighten up.

I guess I've never worried about resale on my house, because I've never gone into a home purchase already planning to sell it. If that's you, then it makes sense to consider those things, but if you're planning to live there for a good long time, why not do what you want, rather than decorate to some imaginary future person's tastes? I recognize that my red kitchen cabinets and black countertops might not thrill other people, but they make me happy. I painted them because I didn't like what was there when I bought the place; so can they. People's homes are their castles; if they want to add a modern drawbridge to them, they're entitled to please themselves.

A few times a year, I have a deep yearning to run away from home and pull a Walden. My family has a little one-room cabin in the the big woods of northern Wisconsin that's perfect, providing one doesn't mind the outhouse and being stuck going nowhere in the winter. That's where I'd go, if it weren't such a hassle to get there from AZ; you can't pick up and go on a whim.

To me, curbside picking is no different than garage saling. We do brush and bulky pickup twice a year in Tucson, and although we have a city law against picking, it stops no one. We know that if we put stuff out, it'll be gone by morning. I don't really mind; keeps it out of the landfill, but I'm always amazed at the stuff they take...stuff that is, in my opinion, beyond repair. But I will set the better stuff aside for them, like a humidifier I had that had the cord chewed through by a packrat. It was an easy enough fix for someone willing to do it. Personally, I'll stop for furniture if it's something I need; I'll check it out, but I've yet to bring anything home. There's usually a reason why people are throwing this stuff out. Anything worth anything, I give to Goodwill or other charity. My husband once held an "everything is free" garage sale because he didn't want to sit outside and haggle over quarters all day. He started at 7 and was done by 7:30. :o)

I'm in Tucson, and our nearest IKEA is up in Tempe (Phx), 2 hours away. We love it, and make a day of it a couple times a year. I know there's a lot of anti-IKEA snobbery out there, but I think it's brilliant. You get to look at cool stuff with your hands free, and just about the time you're tired, you can stop for lunch. And then you can get your stuff at the end and go home. I don't have room for any more furniture in my house, so we can't come up for a reason to make the trip anytime soon, but I may go back eventually to get a cabinet to hack into a guitar cabinet. I imagine if we had one in town, it could be dangerous. Another shout out for the Expedit; they're awesome.

Standard size tubs are too short for me to truly soak in, so they're a waste as far as I'm concerned. On a bad back day, I tried folding myself into our short tub and ended up just being annoyed...and cold on the upper half of my body! I told the hubby that night we were getting a hot tub. And now that we have one, I could easily do without what passes for a tub in most homes, including mine. I'd gladly give it up for more storage cabinets.

Where's the "adore" button?! Love everything about it, including that it's in Sausalito.