babygotbooks's Profile

Lots of other nannies giving great advice. As a former nanny who experienced how this set-up can totally fail, I am leery. Not saying that it can't work out, just that it is ultra hard. I think the advice you've gotten is stellar: do communicate with your nanny, first and foremost. Set boundaries you are both comfortable with. Allow those boundaries to apply when anyone else -- your partner, a friend, grandparent, whatever -- is in charge, as well. Make sure your kids are clear on what is to be expected.

The parent I worked for tried to work from home, but her children would not respect me at all if they knew that she was in the house, even from a very young age. We're talking everything from refusal to allow me to change diapers to eventually out and out disobedience just to garner the attention of mom. And of course, they were not afraid to cry. Very loudly. Just outside her door, little mouths at the keyhole. If I took them away, it was a physical struggle. And the parent gave in. Every time. They knew she would come out to see what was going on and she always did. Therefore, my job became a nightmare. Not only that, I felt like no one -- not the kids, not the parents -- respected my abilities. What was a controlled, calm, fun environment when she was not there became nearly impossible when mom was around. Eventually, she ended up ditching work and taking us all out to lunch/ice cream every day, which was a waste of everyone's time.

I say it would be better to set them up at the library for a few hours, then have them shipped off to a museum or a class or even starbucks (indoor stuff in the winter, the park, of course, when it's nice), then make sure you're already behind closed doors (and car out of sight? Don't need to lie about your presence, but something like that might be a trigger...) so that returning from their day out can be the focus until you are ready to see them. Be strong. Do not open the door.